Kim Jonghyun, our precious boy Jonghyunie, who spent his life shining light on others while his slowly became hollow from the inside. Our Jonghyunie whose deep thoughts made me gradually admire and treasure him since seven years ago.
I feel honored to have known you. People may ridicule your passing for superficial reasons but I feel sad for them for having missed out on one of the greatest people to have existed. Your deep and boundless view on things and people has helped widen my perspectives in life. I feel indebted.
You may be gone in sight but your existence is limitless in my mind.
I didn’t even see you in real life yet. I received the news when I was determinedly telling someone that I’ll be going to SHINee’s concert next year, to see the five of you. It has always been my dream. It was too weird. I didn’t believe it. It was one of those poorly made jokes. Ridiculous. Never.
And people laughed. How can you grieve for someone who you never even saw? I feel sad that people invalidate them because it’s apparently shallow and childish to like them – forgetting that they are people, too.
Anybody who has brought such a heavy impact on a person’s life should never be mocked. We may be the same humans, but we value different things.
“Acceptance over understanding,” you used to say. They didn’t know. They haven’t heard of such a concept. Isn’t the world too narrow for a person as big as you? I understand if you wanted to move on from this life. The world didn’t deserve you. You deserved so much more.
I believe in the power of forgiveness that transcends race, culture and religion. I hope all the comfort your songs and words have brought to anyone who has listened to you may help turn your pains into ease so you can rest peacefully. I pray that your burdens be reduced.
Your music has helped me thousands of times when I was alone in the dark and wanting to give up. Your soft voice is a lullaby constantly playing in my head when I feel weak, comforting me and cheering me on.
I cant even listen to them now. What used to be my comfort songs bring searing pain into my insides. I didn’t know you needed them the most for yourself. We all thought you were strong enough to be able to create such a bulk of wonders.
A pioneer of many things. Your societal advocacies were a huge help for those whose voices cannot be heard. You once said it is your role as a public figure to do so, but not many have a heart and soul as courageous as you, Jonghyun-ah.
You are someone I am always proud of. Always been and always will be. The first and the one and only idol who gained SM Entertainment’s trust and confidence to create music on his own for a lot of times. You’re not an idol, you are an artist. The softest and most precious kind. You even wrote for many others who are not in your company. And the funniest of them all, you disproved everyone that SM artists are all faces when you snuck into YG and created them a song, too. Not just a song, but a title song. Groundbreaking, indeed.
Even now that you are gone, you’re still healing and saving people’s lives by donating your organs. Your selflessness is never ending.
I could go on and on and recall why you are the best and the list will never end. That’s how amazing you are.
I have no regrets getting into petty fights to defend you before. I felt the happiest and accomplished when I could write for you. I knew it was the fruit of my labor – to inform the world of a talented person. A musical genius. A great literary author. My favorite person.
I always told my friends I wanted to marry a writer. When you released a book, I couldn’t contain my awe. I felt like it was fate somehow. We’re both Asians. That’s one more compatibility, I would think in amusement. My ideal man. The benchmark. Nobody compared to you. In my heart, you’re always alive.
Wherever you are, please know that thousands of people loved and still love you.
It has been a wonderful seven years of growing up with you. You will be remembered fondly.
I don’t blame anyone for your decision. You held up until the last minute of your time. You have worked hard. You did well.
I’m sorry for not being enough. I love you. Thank you for existing.
Rest well and easy, my beautiful person.